just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
