u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My bed smells like the plague
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
