she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Congratulations! We have a period
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