I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
