i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
That's intense
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
