I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You left your phone here
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