The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
