i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
