I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
