WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
