My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
