Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
