...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
