we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
