So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm bleeding and have questions
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
