i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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