it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
