Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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