i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dignity is for republicans.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
