So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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