The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
