Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think I died a long time ago.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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