dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
