Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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