ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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