Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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