Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
