White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
