One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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