I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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