I bet he comes in French.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
