Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
