people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
