so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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