you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
