Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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