Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
