I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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