Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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