capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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