So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
