i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
