I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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