I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
