The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
