I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
