you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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