Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
