turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
