Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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