Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
